being a missionary (week) 101

Hello everyone!

Right now, I'm sitting in a train station, waiting for a bus that will
take me to Murcia. I have all of my bags. I will not be returning to
my area - in other words, I'm going home. The journey has ended much
like how it started. That weird sick feeling in your stomach that
comes with change. The dreading of the long hours of traveling. Fear
of how the new life will be. It's like I've done a big loop-the-loop
and I'm back at the beginning!

There are a few differences though and not just the fact that I have
not one item of American clothing in my luggage (sorry mom, I ditched
the American suit). This time, I have to carry back with me 2,850
photos of loved ones and moments that will be cherished forever, 4
journals filled with experiences that will change me forever, as much
European chocolate as I could possibly fit into my bags without going
over weight, and a broken heart with its remains lying in the hands of
people from colombia to Ghana, Switzerland to Argentina, Guatemala to
Nigeria and everywhere in between. My eyes have been opened; I see the
world so differently and laugh at my prior ignorance to the rich
cultures that surround us. Frankly, I came to Spain thinking that
Ecuador was in Africa and that Taco Bell was the favorite food of
every habitant south of the border. Now I'm a maté drinking, cueca
dancing, fufu eating, guarani speaking, arepa making machine. There is
a whole world out there of cultures and customs that I never even knew
about and I have seen how you can brighten someone's countenance by
just being interested about who they are and where they come from.
It's like....a whole neeeewww worllllllld - sorry, I lost the no
cliche game.

This past week has been hard. Not just because of the emotional stress
but we have had so much on our plate - quite literally speaking, my
companion and I gained 8 pounds each this past week! We had to move
down the street, clean our old piso, still try to visit people and
travel, not to mention trying to have an acceptable level of Christmas
spirit! Luckily , in the midst of our crisis, the members came in
clutch and helped us clean our own piso. Literally it turned a 10 hour
job into a 3 hour job. The only downside was that we had to deal with
all of the members' comments about how to clean correctly and how
dirty our fridge seals were. In all seriousness, it was a tender
moment seeing how after 18 weeks of serving them tirelessly, they were
all so willing to serve us. We even had to tell people not to come for
fear of having too many people in our house cleaning!

I was pretty frustrated because I honestly wanted to try and spend my
last week talking to every living creature about the gospel, finding,
teaching, and baptizing, yet we barely even had time to do our normal
study routine or plan, we were moving at a million miles per hour! I
did learn a couple of important lessons from this, however. One of
those being, You can't save your effort for the last minute - I am
glad that I have really tried to work as hard as I can long before
this last week. It would have been easy to say, "I'll slack off these
first 5 weeks so that I can really give it everything on week 6" but
in doing so I would have just gone home regretting the 5 weeks I
didn't work. There is no time like the present. Do what needs to be
done now because you might not get to do it later.

Saying goodbye has been ruthless. I think the easy part of saying
goodbye to my family was that I always had a date I could look forward
to in which, barring unforeseen circumstances, I would see them. The
scary thing is that I don't know when I will come back and see those
who I love here. We were saying goodbye to a family that we teach and
the 6 year old kind of just shook my hand and ran off. We left and
shortly after I got a call from the mom. Apparently, she had just
thought I was going on a little trip and would be back in a couple of
days and upon realizing the reality was now inconsolable. We retuned
and tried to say a second goodbye which was just heart wrenching. I
think now you can maybe understand when I talk about a broken heart
spread all across Spain.

Sorry this is long, but you won't ever have to read a missionary email
from elder Jenkins ever again, you can do it!

Well this has been my feeble attempt to describe what I have gone
through in the space of 2 years serving as a full-time missionary in
Spain. Honestly, I don't feel very different. I hear myself speaking a
different language, or see a little more hair on my Chiny chin chin,
but I feel like the same person, yet I have faith that I'm not. I know
that I have been changed and only pray that the Lord will keep
changing me, that the refining process will continue as I continue to
serve Him. Conversion is a change of heart, and I truly feel in my
effort to convert other that I have been converted because my heart
has been changed. I have learned many things during the course of my
service, but the most profound lesson is that despite my not being
perfect, I know that I can be perfected, and I understand better the
road to do so.

In one word, I would say my feelings right now sum up to gratitude.
Gratitude for bounteous blessings that I have received. Gratitude for
an incredible family waiting for me in the states and waiting for me
here in Spain. Gratitude for a Savior, who paid for my sins and died
for me. Gratitude for a loving father in heaven who has a divine plan,
a plan of happiness. I am so grateful and pray that I will never be so
foolish as to forget how grateful I am for the blessing of serving a
mission.

Thank you for love and support, for prayers and letters - all of which
has been greatly appreciated. See you all soon!

Love,

Elder (for the last time) Jenkins